


Our Life Is Rosy

by desrosierss



Category: LOONA (Korea Band), loona - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, F/F, Mutual Pining, Teenage Drama, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-02 07:14:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15791607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desrosierss/pseuds/desrosierss
Summary: Son Hyejoo, most commonly refered to as "Olivia" is the most popular girl in school, following her close clique of friends, Yerim, Heejin, Yeojin and Chaewon.Olivia and Chaewon have been close since they were children, but recently their friendship is turning awkward. They both are feeling something stronger than platonic, but either stubbornly refuses to admit it.Because, quite frankly, dating is annoying. So are crushes, they're Highschoolers- don't they have more important things to focus on?That is, until their feelings start to eat them up inside and cause a rift between the group.--Olivia/Gowon centered fic with a few background ships. May be added as it goes on.





	1. Rosy

**Author's Note:**

> ahh i haven't wrote in forever!! this is going to be a SFW golivia fic!!! I was inspired by their solo "Rosy" after reading that it was about two girls who both like each other, but find it annoying to date LOL GAY RIGHTS. I don't know how many chapters this will be but it probs wont be too many. i hope you enjoy some baby gay and mutual pining :)

Olivia’s trembling, she can't stay still.  
  
  
The room is dark, she’s terrified.  
  
  
She keeps her eyes tightly shut, to ignore it, but she _can’t_.  


The young girl reaches her arms out out of instinct and bumps into someone- _another_ _girl_. 

She doesn’t speak as the room fills with a soft, emerald light.  
Olivia crumbles to her knees and rests her head on her chest, breathing heavily. The stranger’s warmth fills her core.  
  
  
They don’t say anything, they don’t _have_ to, the stranger covers Olivia's eyes and she sinks to her level.  
  
  
Olivia’s lips part to say something, but she doesn’t question it as her sight returns to her.  
  
  
_Park Chaewon_. Her best friend, the one she trusts with her life.  
  
  
Chaewon leans forward hesitantly, gaze piercing into the other intensely.  
  
  
  
“ _I- I don’t know. I don’t know_. ” Olivia mutters, but she can’t take her eyes off the girl’s lips. The skin split from nervously chewing on it, there’s a smudge of blood.  
_Has she always been this beautiful?  
_

 

 “ _Olivia_ ,” she stiffens, just hearing the sound of her name escaping the other's mouth is enough to bring a crimson blush to her face. “ _Are you nervous?_ ” She questions and Olivia grits her teeth in response.  
_Is she that easily read?_  
  
  
_“It’s not like that!”_    It’s _exactly_ like that.  
  
  
“ _Are you scared? Please don't be scared..._ ” Olivia narrows her eyes and shakes her head.  
It’s not that she doesn’t want this, it’s the fact that she’s scared.  
  
Scared of _what_?  
  
She doesn’t know, there’s too many thoughts swimming in her head and she can’t focus.  
  
  
Gripping her hold on Chaewon’s dress, she forces herself to look at her dead on; but she’s unable to make eye contact, only staring at her lips.  
  
  
" _Do you hate me?_ " Chaewon asks, looking down.  
  
  
_" No! I don't hate you, I..._ " Olivia can't answer that, she only knows that she doesn't hate her. How could she? She's her best friend.   
  
  
Before she can stop her, Chaewon’s hands snake up to cup her cheeks as Olivia purses her lips without second thought, leaning forward.  
  
  
It’s just a kiss, but it feels dangerous. _Why is it dangerous_?  


* * *

  
Olivia wakes up gasping for air as the alarm clock's shrill ringing echoes in her ears  
Trying to register her surroundings with the annoying beeping, she finally finds the source of her clock and turns it off after a few missed hits.  
  
  
“God dammit, what time is it?”  
  
The clock reads **6:30 AM** in red letters.  
  
“ _School_.” She hisses while stumbling out of bed, searching for her uniform. She really needs to start cleaning this place. Olivia debates on skipping and crawling back to bed for a good few minutes as she stands in front of the mirror, brushing her hair.  
She knows better, but that doesn’t mean it’s not tempting.  
  
Her parents must have already left for work, there’s no food left on the table.  
_Maybe they were in a rush_ , she lies to herself.  
After freshening up to the point of looking presentable, she jogs outside her house and rushes to the bus that was about to leave. Carrying all the uniform-clad teenage girls to private school.  
  
No one sits next to her empty seat. Olivia stares out the window for the entire time.  


* * *

 “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Heejin teases, earning a pout from Olivia.

  
“I had a crazy dream, that’s all.” The girl replies.  
  
  
They sit outside, waiting for the bell to ring for class. Several girls in their own little friend groups, some hurriedly finishing their homework, others eating breakfast.  
  
  
Olivia and her friends were more of a clique. “Most popular” She was first and center, hard to approach. There were constant rumors about her.  
Most of them were positive, but an outright lie.  Olivia didn't care to point it out.  
  
  
_A group consisting of her closest friends_ ;  
  
  
  
Yerim, well liked by everyone, sporty. Pretends to be allergic to cherries just so people won’t offer her any. She’s one of the top three on the sports team.

  
Heejin, nicknamed “ Heekkie ” affectionately by her girlfriend, Hyunjin. She gets on Olivia’s nerves, but she adores her.  
  
  
Yeojin, the youngest. The rest of them can’t help but tease her for her height, but are extremely protective of her.  
  
  
And _Chaewon_.  
  
The one Olivia has known the longest. The ‘ _nerd_ ’ that helps everyone with homework. A bookworm. Doesn’t like to be teased. Two adorable moles dot her left eye and side of her neck.  
Chaewon and Olivia have known each other since they were babies, arguably the closest even though they _swear_ they don’t pick favorites.  
  
  
Chaewon makes Olivia _smile_.  
  
  
Chaewon makes Olivia _laugh_.  
  
  
Chaewon currently makes Olivia _uncomfortable_.  
  
  
  
She doesn’t know what happened, but the thought of her is enough to make her heart race lately. Skinship was common between the two, but Olivia has been pushing away. Her hands are suddenly sweaty without noticing and she would much rather Chaewon sit a foot away from her instead.  
  
Olivia doesn’t know what’s happening to her.  
  
  
Rubbing her head while deep in thought, it’s interrupted by someone sitting next to her.  
  
  
“Unnie, you’re late! ” Yeojin exclaims louder than she should have.

  
“I was up late last night, sorry girls.” Chaewon smiles and rests her elbows on the table, already leaning into Olivia’s personal space. 

  
  
“Careful Chaewonnie, Olivia might bite! She’s not in a good mood.” Yerim grins and pokes said girl’s side playfully.  
  
  
“ _Oh_? Are you okay, Olivia? Are you sick?” Chaewon tuts and Olivia swallows roughly, swatting her hand away.  
  
  
“No, no- I’m fine. I’m alright.”  
  
  
Olivia never though she’d be thankful to hear the school bell ever in her life, but right now she needed to escape. She felt suffocated.

 

 **“First bell, gotta go!”**  
  
  
“Aren’t you going to walk with us?” Chaewon asked, resting her hand on her thigh, but Olivia was already up and walking.  
  
  
“I need- _uh_ , to ask Jinsoul for something, bye!”  
  
  
Olivia and Chaewon don’t share first period together, today she’s thankful for that.  
She doesn’t think she could face her after _that_ dream.


	2. Let’s bloom at the end of this night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might want me
> 
> But don’t get pricked 
> 
> Be careful baby 
> 
> It won’t be so easy.

   The moment school is starting to close and it reaches dawn, all the clubs start to awake, that's Chaewon's favorite time of day.

 

Olivia sits down on the grass, no longer damp as the morning dew has dried off. Yerim and Yeojin are spinning around, laughing. Heejin and Hyunjin are sitting three feet across from them; being a _disgustingly_ romantic couple, Heejin looking smitten as Hyunjin eats leftovers from her lunch. Time's like this makes Olivia smile, tilting her head back and enjoying her surroundings.   
  
  
  
"Ah!" Chaewon blurts out, interrupting the girl's daydreaming, she's kneeled down, holding her hand with a pitiful expression painted across her face.  
  
  
"What's wrong?" Olivia walks over and reaches out to see her hand.  
  
  
Chaewon bites down on her lip, brows knitted together, "I was trying to get one of the roses near the fence and pricked myself." She whimpered, uncurling her fingers to reveal a bloody scratch on her palm. Olivia tutted, shaking her head.   
  
  
"Be careful, dummy."   
  
  
  
" _Okay_ Mcedgy Mcgee, but it hurts!" Chaewon stomped her foot, whining before Olivia grabbed her wrist, dragging her back inside the school building.   
  
  
"You're holding my wrist too tightly."  
  
  
"Stop complaining, I'm trying to help you. Let's get some band aids from the nurse." Olivia rolled her eyes and walked faster, ignoring the blush that ever so slowly crept across her face.  
  
  
"Nurse Jinah, can we borrow a bandaid?" Olivia spoke, noticing Jinsoul sitting on one of the cots, several bruises dotting her body from P.E no doubt. She waved her hand before Yves quickly sprayed antiseptic on her cheek.  
The nurse looked up from her paperwork and smiled. "'Course, girls. They're sitting right over there."   
The duo nodded a silent thanks, giggling at Jinsoul being scolded by Yves, they said their goodbyes and left for the hallway.  
  


* * *

  
  
The two girls reached Chaewon's house, Olivia spent several nights there that it was like a second home to her. Even Chaewon's mother treated her like a daughter. ( _Albeit, a bit embarrassing every time she pinched her cheeks or petted her hair.)_  
  
 Chaewon rubbed her palm, sitting cross legged on the floor, her backpack abandoned by the door. Olivia nosily flipped through her friend's books. Most of them were for school, the rest were fantasy stories about princesses and princes. Typical.  
  
  
"Why _were_ you over there trying to pick roses off the school property anyway, I thought you were smarter than that. You could get in trouble." Olivia tilted her head, quirking a brow as Chaewon huffed.  
  
  
"I just wanted to. They were always pretty to me, I was going to get _us_ some matching ones, or press the petals into a book." Chaewon looked away, pouting. Olivia sighed through her teeth as she leaned on her best friend's shoulder.  Chaewon instantly retaliated, locking her fingers around the other's hand.  
  
  
" _You're so weird lately_ -" Olivia started feebly, but Chaewon grabbed the front of her uniform.  
  
  
"You skipped a few buttons."  
  
  
Olivia lurched back, but Chaewon was already unbuttoning the middle of her shirt.  
  
  
 _" W-what_?! " She snapped, which made the other squint, "I'm just fixing your blouse, don't get so uppity!"   
  
  
She's right, Olivia didn't know why she responded like that, but she doesn't know what the hell is going on in her brain these days. Chaewon hands are warm and delicately fixing her shirt. Olivia has a chance to examine her features.   
Her glasses are close to slipping off her face, her hair is tied up in a messy ponytail.   
  
  
She looks ~~so cute~~ , _so_ geeky _._    
  
  
Olivia doesn't notice that she's staring until Chaewon's finished, patting her hands on her shoulders. "Done! Wait-...you should just borrow some of my pajamas since you're sleeping over anyways."  
  
Olivia blinks several times, trying to regain her conscious so she doesn't blurt out something random. " _Y-yeah_ , I'm gonna use your shower first. Be right back."  
  
"You don't smell bad to me." Chaewon turned her head back, blunt and innocent which made Olivia cringe.   
  
  
" _Don't say such weird things._ " She already left, her heart was thumping against her chest. It felt like it was threatening to jump out of her throat, she could have sworn if she didn't keep her lips zipped that it would have crawled out.  
  
  
 

* * *

  
   After her shower and dinner, the two sat on Gowon's bed, taking selfies while wearing face masks, talking about their classmates and multiple other topics before Chaewon decided she wanted to do makeovers on each other.  
  
Olivia agreed without second thought, it started with brushing each other's hair and painting nails, until Chaewon brought out the lipstick.  
  
  
"Stay still!" Chaewon merrily vocalized, squishing the girl's cheeks and carefully coating her lips with lip-gloss.   
  
  
  
Olivia felt that similar _thump thump thump_ in her chest, except it was louder this time and harder to ignore. She kept tuning in and out of the conversation.  
  
  
  
"You look great, now do me!" Chaewon leaned forward, closing her eyes. "You can pick whatever color, except the green eye-shadow, I'm running out."  
  
  
"I'll just surprise you, then..." Olivia swallowed dryly, opening the dusted rose tinted lipstick and gently held the girl's chin, eyeing her pursed together lips.   
Chaewon was so pretty, she didn't need makeup. Olivia's hands trembled, yet she applied it, then some clear coat of lip gloss to bring the color out.  
  
  
 _thump thump thump  
_  
  
  Chaewon sat there patiently, quietly the whole time, the corners of her mouth sometimes threatening to smile every time Olivia told her she was going to mess up.  
  
  
 _thump thump thump_  
  
  
"This color really brings out your lips." Olivia whispered, when did her voice lower?   
  
  
"You look beautiful! We look great." A large grin stretched across Chaewon's face as she wrapped her arms around the opposite's shoulders.   
  
  
 _ **thump thump thump**_  
  
  
"You're too close." Olivia sputtered, her face grew red, yet her friend's cheeks were warm too, a pale pink. Was it the makeup or was she blushing?  
  
  
"So what? We're always touching each other, I don't know why you care so much about personal space now." Chaewon huffed, obviously a little bit frustrated. "You say I'm the one acting weird lately, but you've been too. What's wrong? Seriously, Olivia..."  
  
  
Cat caught Olivia's tongue, she couldn't speak, she could only stare at Chaewon's lips, then her gaze lifted to her eyes. Her best friend is so pretty. How did she not have a lover yet?  
  
  
"Can you stay still..." Olivia mumbled, leaning foward and cupping her chin, she didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know why she was doing it.  
  
  
 **thump thump _THUMP_**  
  
  
"Olivia..." Chaewon murmured, looking away at first but still simpering. She was happy, nervous but happy. Leaning in and pursing her lips. Eyes fluttered shut.  
  
  
 _ **THUMP,THUMP,THUMP,THUMP-**_  
  
  
 **"N-no!"** Olivia all but shouted, pushing her away  and scrambling off the bed, she couldn't breathe.  
  
  
"Olivia?! What-"   
  
  
"I'm going home, _I gotta go_." Olivia exclaimed, searching for her backpack.  
  
  
"No! Don't- wait! Olivia what the hell are you doing?" Chaewon got off the bed, forgetting her parents were asleep at this hour; Olivia ran out the door, with her friend closely tailing behind once they were outside; grabbing her arm.  
  
  
"Don't touch me!" Olivia snapped, snatching her arm away with such force, as if being near Chaewon was enough to set her body on fire.  
  
  
"Stop avoiding me! Tell me what's wrong!" Chaewon suddenly hollered, she looked like she was about to cry. Blinking away tears, biting her lower lip. All her life Olivia had never seen her best friend look this distressed and upset. Wait-  
  
  
She  _is_ crying, Chaewon's crying.  
  
  
She's crying because Olivia is a terrible person.  
  
  
" _D_ -did I weird you out? Stop leaving me in the dust, _w_ \- what did I do to you? Did I make you mad? _Please_ ," Chaewon's voice cracked and stuttered and Olivia knew in that _exact_ moment her heart was breaking.  
  
  
She wish she knew what to tell her, but she doesn't, all she can think of is how she's a horrible person.   
  
  
"It's _not_ that! I don't know, Chaewon, I don't fucking know! It's not that  I don't like you, I just- I _can't_ do this." Olivia didn't notice the tears were flowing down her face, she wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve and took back steps.  
  
  
"Then _what_ is it?!" Chaewon snapped back, curling her fists.  
  
  
Olivia gritted her teeth, eyes wide and wet, she was hurting her because she had no fucking idea what was going on.  
  
  
  
She chose not to respond, instead turned away and didn't look back, she couldn't. Olivia ran. Ignoring Chaewon's cries of her name. She didn't stop running until she met her house. Chaewon had stopped trying to follow her by then. Olivia dropped her belongings on the floor and stumbled like a drunk to her living room couch, collapsing on it.  
  
  
Olivia Hye sobbed loudly, alone in her apartment.   
  
  
"What the _fuck is wrong with me_?! _Why_ am I like this?! Chaewon, I'm s- _so_ sorry..." She sniffled, wiping her eyes and curling up, holding herself. She was alone, no one to comfort her. Her feet hurt, she ruined a sacred friendship.  
  
  
 **"I hate myself**."   
  
Olivia rolled to her side, hiccuping and sniffling.   
  
  
She's her the person that matters the most to her, she's ruined everything. Chaewon deserves better. She made her cry; something she never wanted to do. Now she's alone. Her phone buzzes a few times but she powers it off. She can't bring herself to talk.  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Olivia had cried herself to sleep that night, she didn't know when she finally passed out, but woke up to a wet pillow and the light shining through the window.  
  
  
" _Ugh_." She grunted, her head and legs hurt, her back was stiff from sleeping on the couch all night. She looked to the clock.  
  
  
 **2 pm.**  
  
  
She missed school, but couldn't bring herself to care.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha angst!!!! i hope y'all enjoyed the second chapter .... will olivia and chaewon make up? Will anyone confess their true feelings??? and why the hell are heejin and hyunjin so fucking gay in public.
> 
> fuhaiklsdasd but anyways !!! i hope this is good, im uploading this on my birthday today! 
> 
> my twitter is @dirteater69, incase anyone's interested.


	3. Rose petals tinted red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I faintly
> 
> see you in the distance
> 
> You’ll be drawn to me even more
> 
> You won’t be able to stop

       **BZZT**

 

 The phones vibration causes Olivia to awake a second time with a groan. She looks around, disgruntled and confused until memories of last night hit her like a truck.

Reluctantly, she obliges and unlocks her phone, checking her messages.

_" Chaewon <3"_

  _7 unread messages_

Olivia flinches as if someone burned her, she can't push herself to read it, the guilt creeps up her spine; just from seeing her name.

 Scrolling down, Olivia decided to check the other messages instead.

**"pepe the frog"**

**[TUE 6:45 AM]**

_Where are you :(“_  
  
_“ur late to school and chaewon is upset omg”_  
_  
_ “Are u and chaewonnie fighting ? ”

 

Olivia frowns, rolling to her side while trying to check more unread messages. All of them are from her friends, wondering what had happen. Some understandably angry.  The pit of guilt in her stomach was eating up her insides. She couldn’t bring herself to read the spam of Jiwon’s messages.

She continues scrolling.

**"gay ass rabbit"**

**[TUE 9:30 AM]**

_“girl are you there”_  
  
_  
“ seriously olivia where the hell are you???? “_

_“im gonna be pissed if you dont answer”_

_  
_ **"Grish"**

**[TUE 10:38 AM]**

  
_“Tell me what happened_ _”_  
  
_“ chaewon left school early. She had like a panic attack or something,,, im worried,,”_  
  
_“ yeojin is crying now sksfjskffwr are yall good???”_

Her bottom lip quivers before she bites it. The tears from last night are threatening to continue. Olivia can’t even explain herself, until she hears the ‘ ** _ding_** ’ of a new message…

 

From Yves.

**_“gay panic_ _“_**

**[TUE 2:14 PM]**  
_  
_ _gay panic > “Olivia, i know youre there so dont pretend you didnt see this “ _

 

Olivia swallows roughly and decides to respond.

 

_olivia > “hey…” _

  
  
_gay panic > “Chaewon told me everything.” _

_  
_ Olivia feels like she commited a crime. 

  
_olivia > “im such a fucking asshole yves im sorry.” _

 

 _gay panic_ > _” stfu. Olivia, im worried about both of y’all.  Neither of you are a bad person. Chaewon is understandably upset and you dont know what to do.”_  
  
  
_gay panic > “ please listen to me for ONCE. You two are  BEST FRIENDS. Youve known each other for so long. I care about you guys and i know you two care about each other. You feel something for chaewon too, right? “_  
  
  
_Olivia stares at the screen, blinking away tears._  
  
  
_gay panic_  > _“throwing away  an entire friendship over something like this...do you really want that? I think you should tell chaewon how you truly feel, at least shine some light so she doesn’t feel so confused. She feels like she did something wrong and i can’t take seeing you two like this. No one else can either. I know chaewon doesnt hate you, she cant even if she wanted to. She’s just hurt”_  
  
_gay panic > “ You’re the only person who can make this right. If you won’t do this for me AT LEAST do it for chaewon...please…”_  
  
**  
** **For Chaewon.**

  
  
_olivia_ > _“I think im going to go see chaewon…”_  
  
_gay panic >_ _“THANK GOD. i hate to play therapist but it’s heart breaking seeing two ppl i care about do this to each other... Go to her, tell her whats on your mind. Dont leave her in the dark.”_  
  
  
Olivia sits up straight.  
  
  
_gay panic > “I know you dont do this on purpose, but you cant push people away from you. We love you, olivia. All of us do.“_

 _olivia >_ _“I’m gonna do it. Yves, i dont say this enough but … thanks . and dont expect me to say it again”_  
  
  
_gay panic > _“ _..y'all hear sum'n?_ _“_  
  
  
_olivia > “Oh my god shut up before i take it back ” _  
  
  
_gay panic > “ jk jk. Now go!!! Shes still at her house!!  _

 

Olivia smiles for what feels like the first time in a decade. She forces herself up, not bothering to look presentable or changing out of Chaewon’s clothes. She has her shoes slipped on and she’s already out the door.

 

* * *

 

 

  
Rushing down the street, there’s only one thing on her mind.

 _Chaewon, chaewon, chaewon._ _  
_ _I’m sorry._

 

She chants her name like a mantra until she reaches her door, knocking on it. It’s better late than never. Olivia can feel her heart beating that similar thump, thump, thump again.

 

She ignores it this time.  
  
  
Chaewon answers the door, they both stare at each other in awkward silence before she goes outside.

 

Chaewon looks, tired, her face red and dried with tears.  
  
She’s still beautiful, despite the pain.

 

“H-hey…” Olivia musters up the courage to start, but Chaewon immediately turns away.  
  
  
  
“I wish I could understand what goes on in your head sometimes, Olivia!” Chaewon snaps, clenching and unclenching her fist.  
  
  
“Are you here to tell me that you hate me? Then go ahead!” Chaewon’s shaking as if she’s cold, gritting her teeth.  
  
  
“I-I don’t know why I’m like this, I started to get this weird feeling around you and— and I don’t know why! I just started to look at you differently. In the spur of the moment I-I was stupid and thought you wanted me too.” Chaewon looks at her, teary eyed and voice cracking audibly.

 

“Are you _straight_ or something? Is _that_ what it is? I’m sorry, okay?! I’m sorry for trying to kiss you, I’m sorry for feeling like this! ” She stutters, taking quick breaths between each word as she finally crumbles.

 

Olivia stares wide eyed, it physically pains her to see Chaewon like this. She doesn’t hate her, she _can’t_ . The aching pain in her chest grows stronger as she stands frozen, trying to find a way to speak.  
  
  
“ I don’t know when it happened, you’re my b-best friend and I just started to feel different things! Everytime I looked at you I felt embarrassed and — and I thought you were just so pretty and-” Chaewon runs on, sobbing and covering her face so no one has to see her.  
  
  
“ _Chaewon, no-_ ”  
  
  
  
“-And you just ran off and I knew I ruined everything, I destroyed everything because I couldn’t fucking control myself! Don’t rub it in-”  
  
  
“ **CHAEWON** !”  Olivia shouts, grabbing her friend’s wrists and peeling them away.  
  
  
  
“I-I hate you, I hate you.” Chaewon wails; only weakly beating her hands against Olivia’s chest. Despite her protests, she doesn’t attempt to push her away.  
  
“Chaewon, listen! Listen to me! Stop!” Olivia’s guilt has eaten her alive, she wants to make this right but she doesn’t know how.  
  
  
“I don’t hate you, okay?! You didn’t ruin it, if anything- I did! I’m scared, I’m scared to death, okay?!” Olivia forces the older’s hands away from her face, locking eye contact with her blurry eyes. Chaewon shivers with every breath she takes.  
  
  
“ _I love you!_ I love you, Chaewon. And it terrifies me! I’m scared! I’m really scared.”  
  
Olivia’s head hangs low, her shoulders sink as she talks exasperatedly.  
  
  
“I’m so scared, I couldn’t tell anyone! We’re only kids, why should I get with someone to have it  fail in the end? I can’t do that, I can’t lose you, I can’t hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you but I’ve already _had_ .”  
  
Olivia breaks as she tells the truth, telling everything she’s been keeping bottled up for so long. She doesn’t even notice the tears streaming down her face.

 

“I thought if I’d ignore it but it’d go away, but it didn’t. I tried so hard to ignore it, I tried to make it leave but every time I saw your face and every damn time you held my hand, I realized how much I’m in love with you.”  
  
  
Chaewon stares and cautiously brings her arms up to wrap around Olivia, who’s sobbing, completely broken and apologetic, she sinks down.    
A vice grip on the front of Gowon’s nightgown, wrinkling the satin fabric.

 

  
Just like that dream, she’s terrified and on her knees.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I _want_ you, but I don’t _want_ you to love me back. I can’t take your suffering because of me. I want this relationship but I’m selfish, I’m a greedy monster and only thought about myself.”  
  
Olivia Hye is a monster, a greedy monster that takes but never gives. Her own actions are slowly killing her from inside out.

  
She won’t allow herself to hurt Chaewon further.  
  
  
“I-it’s okay.”  
  
Chaewon wraps her arms around the other girl’s neck, Olivia leans into her touch out of habit. Hugging onto her with all the strength she has, squeezing just a little too hard.

 

“Olivia, I forgive you.” Chaewon cups her face, a curt smile on her lips. Her face is damp from tears and Olivia can’t stop crying.  
  
She stares in disbelief at first, mouth parted like a fool until her face twists. Sobbing even harder.

 

Chaewon leans in, eyes shut.  
  
  
And this time, Olivia doesn’t back away, she leans into her, tilting her head and pressing their lips together.  
  
They both pull back at first, out of fear and out of breath; but Chaewon smiles again and they continue kissing.  
  
It’s curt and a bit clumsy, obvious signs from two beginners but they enjoy it. They like it.  
  
Olivia thinks her heart is going to escape again but she doesn’t mind, she welcomes the new feeling. She doesn’t try to fight it anymore.

 

“It’s going to be okay.”  Chaewon whispers multiple times as she hugs onto her.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Olivia repeats quietly, clinging onto the girl, feeling as if she lets go she’ll never have her again.

 

“We need to go inside...I hope we didn’t disturb the neighbors.” Chaewon says in that shy, worried voice that Olivia can’t get enough of.  
  
_The neighbors._  
  
Right , they’ve been outside this whole time.  
  
  
Olivia nods and gets up with the help of Chaewon, they lean on each other while making their way into her house and then her bedroom.

* * *

  
  
Her nerves have relaxed and they sit in comfortable silence before Chaewon is the first to break it.  
  
  
“You’re still wearing my pajamas…” She adds light heartedly, causing a blush to creep across Olivia’s face.  
  
“I- well, I didn’t realize, I guess. Hah.” _Jeez_ , everything has been going right over her head lately.  
  
  
“Now that I cried, I’m hungry.” Chaewon pushes her lips out and pouts.    
Olivia stares at her for a moment before bursting out laughing.  
  
  
“I can’t believe you!” She shakes her head and wraps her arms around her waist, Chaewon rests her head on her shoulder lovingly.

 

“I’m tired too, breaking down takes a lot out of you!” Olivia jested, collapsing onto the bed with her best friend.  
  
They laid on their sides, staring at each other.  
Dumb smiles on their face and twinkles in their eyes.

 

“ _So_...what does this make us…?” Chaewon blinked slowly, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind Olivia’s ear.

 

Olivia leered, this time she didn’t look away.  
She would be brave, for Chaewon. For _herself_ .  
  
  
“ _I love you_ -”  
  
  
“I love you too, but do you love _yourself_ ?” Chaewon asked sincerely, which caught Olivia off guard.  
  
She hesitates at first, chewing on her lip.  
  
“I’ll try to. Starting today.” She nods and could have sworn that Chaewon has never looked happier.  
  
Chaewon buries her face into Olivia’s neck and pulls the covers over them.

 

“We don’t need a label, we’re meant to be.” Olivia grabs Chaewon’s hand and kisses her knuckles.  
  
“Oh, that’s so cheesy. Jiwon is probably shaking in her boots right now.”  
  
“You wanna sleep and _then_ tell everyone what’s going on?”  
  
Chaewon hums and snuggles in closer to the younger girl.  
  
  
“Sounds good to me.”

 

♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anddd end. i had tried to post this like 500 times but i realized the reason it wouldnt post was cuz of the emojis LOL im so mad @ ao3. hell site.
> 
> other than that i hope yall enjoyed it, be sure to tell me if you did :D
> 
> this has been my first fic in a while !! 
> 
> -
> 
> twitter: @dirteater69  
> tumblr: @dongwoonie


End file.
